Friday, June 4, 2010

Some history

So, there is always a back story of what lead some one to where they are now and I thought I'd share a bit of mine.

In 2004 I went through a horrible divorce. I had married my highschool sweet heart, and thought I had it made. Come to find out, even though we grew up together, we had somehow ended up with completely different values. Different values = impass. I had always been the person who swore she would never get divorced, being a child of divorce I know how hard it can be, it's crazy how people who have been together for years, loved each other and shared more with each other than they have with any other human being can within a matter of days begin to dislike each other so strongly, do things that are so inconsiderate, be so downright mean to each other. But here I was at the mother of all impasses knowing there was no way I could stay in that relationship and still feel good about myself. I decided with everything I had sacrificed to make it that far, I wasn't willing to sacrifice that. And so I entered the world of "divorced". It was hard for me, I was part of a club I didn't want to be a part of. I was redefining myself and learning who I truly was all the while struggling with this new label I found myself marked with. I'll admit until going through the experience myself I had always been judgemental of people who were divorced. I chalked them up as quitters or just not as committed as I was...little did I know then. Let's just say I'm much less judgemental now. Funny how difficult times can bring humility in a way that other experiences can't.

So, there I was, divorced, dreams shattered and a new life in front of me. I had no idea what was to come...

I won't lie, it was horrendous at times. I remember waking up thinking how can this be my life? I would open my eyes in the morning and then remember what was happening and just want to close my eyes again and pretend like it was all just a bad dream. I had days where I was astounded that I wasn't dead from the horrible pain of my broken heart. But through those days I also gained clarity of self in a way I never had before. It was just me for the first time in my life and even though it was scary as hell and at times I felt like I was floundering, I was also liberated. I was coming back to myself and it felt good.

It was during this time that I became really clear on what I wanted for my life. I knew I wanted to be in a relationship and have a family. Even though my marriage had failed, I believed in making a lifetime commitment and still feel it is such a powerful way to connect with another person. There is true magic in having a "one and only", someone who holds your heart gently and who encourages you to fly. I also knew now that that kind of relationship didn't come easy and every true partnership takes a variety of ingredients, some can be learned and cultivated and some just have to come with the territory. Meaning if you weren't on the same page on that most fundamental of levels, you never would be. Some things can't change. I spent a lot of time journaling and crying and talking to friends...without my friends and family I would have never survived that time in my life. I am blessed to be so loved and slowly I started to bloom.

Enter, my husband. I remember being so afraid but also knowing there was something undeniable happening between us and even though my heart was still healing I made a conscious decision to not block out the good things (this new relationship) because bad things (my divorce) had happened. It was a turning point for me. 

In 2005 we were married, almost one year to the day we first met. I know some people thought we were crazy, but we both just knew. It's almost five years later and even through the difficult times (and trust me we've had some tough ones) we are still happy, still in love and even still like each other :) I've realized how important that common ground of values is and how easy a relationship actually can be when you start from the same fundamental place.

What I've also discovered is that life is just life. You don't get rewarded for being "good" or punished for being "bad" all you can do is be true to yourself and reach out when you need to and your journey will unfold before you allowing you to take the path that feels right.


  1. I too went through a divorce in 2000, and looking back at it, I know it was for the best. I am glad you were able to come to terms with the concept of divorce, so that you were able to move on.

  2. Thanks Kammie. Divorce can be a brutal process, but I think it's true, you always come out the other side with the clarity of knowing it was for the best. Cheers to moving on to bigger and better things :)