Friday, May 28, 2010
I was reading one of my favorite blogs today
design mom where she has these amazing birth story posts that she was featuring on her blog throughout her pregnancy. birth stories
And I came across this quote:
“The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse.” - helen keller
I felt like it tied in so beautifully with my last post, I wanted to share.
I also really enjoyed this post by a birth mom...lovely
Which reminded me of this one a beautiful story of compassion by a birth mother from another blog
I love the internet and how so often just the right story or quote comes along at the perfect moment. What a web we weave indeed.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
I found out the other day someone I work with is also adopting. It has been fun to connect and share the process with someone in my everyday life. There are so many wonderful people wanting to become parents. I am inspired by people's stories and the journey that brought them to this path. It seems to be something different for everyone. Although many have endured the difficult battle of infertility and are left with the scars to prove it.
I know I have a few scars, some rest in the deep recesses of my self-esteem, others show up in the way I interact with people who have children and then there are the ones that are almost like little badges of honor. Knowing I have walked a difficult road and come out the other side with my sanity (mostly) intact. It's not a small feat and I sometimes wonder if the ones who had children come into their lives so easily will ever see the gift they have been given in the same way I will given the fight I fought to have it? I believe things hard earned do tend to hold more meaning. I of course in no way want to diminish the love any parent has for their child, I don't think it's a better or worse thing, just a different perspective. Adopting is such an intentional path to becoming a parent, you are faced with thinking things through on a level you would never have to consider if you became a parent through your own pregnancy. For instance some of the things we've had to consider/discuss include, would we be open to raising a child of a race other than our own? What is our comfort level with the birthmother's drug use, medical history and mental health history? Is your child ever really yours (biological or adopted) or are you just the steward of their lives? A mentor of sorts guiding them down the road to adulthood? Are there less expectations when you have an adopted child of them living up to certain family traits or being like mom or dad? Is that a benefit or a detriment? How much do we project onto our children because they are biologically linked to us? How much of me will I see in my adopted child? Does that matter? How much does biology play a role on who someone becomes?
Of course I've only had my own experience so I can't say what it's like to have a biological child, but I don't imagine these are questions I would be asking myself if that were my path.
What questions do you ask yourself about parenting an adopted child?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I have learned to take things day by day, knowing no matter how much you plan or look ahead you really never know what awaits. Today I am feeling a variety of things; hopeful, excited and a little sad. Sometimes it surprises me how I can be super excited about the adoption and at the same time still sad about not being able to get preggers. It strikes me how even though I am becoming a mom (and I know I will love every minute of the special experience adopting will be), I still carry grief with me about not being able to have the experience of growing a little baby in my body and sharing the journey of pregnancy and birth with my hubby. It's an ongoing process, one that includes letting go and surrendering to what is. I tell myself pregnancy and birth are like the wedding and mothering is like the marriage, but even with this perspective I still feel sad I won't get to have the wedding, it is fun afterall to eat cake and dance :) Life sure isn't as cut and dry as I thought it was when I was younger. More often than not it is bittersweet. I will get to be a mom, that is certain, just not in the way I originally envisioned. My guess is, that's why i have such a sweet tooth...to sweeten up the bitter bits as much as I can :)
How about you? How has adopting affected your feelings about infertility?
Sunday, May 16, 2010
I found the tutorial on how to do it here
Don't you love how it's coming together? I think it'll be lovely.
I'll keep posting as the process continues. All those strips on the right are more squares to come!