Friday, May 28, 2010

The web we weave

I was reading one of my favorite blogs today
design mom where she has these amazing birth story posts that she was featuring on her blog throughout her pregnancy. birth stories

And I came across this quote:
“The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse.” - helen keller

I felt like it tied in so beautifully with my last post, I wanted to share.

I also really enjoyed this post by a birth mom...lovely

Which reminded me of this one a beautiful story of compassion by a birth mother from another blog

I love the internet and how so often just the right story or quote comes along at the perfect moment. What a web we weave indeed.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

making connections and questions

I found out the other day someone I work with is also adopting. It has been fun to connect and share the process with someone in my everyday life. There are so many wonderful people wanting to become parents. I am inspired by people's stories and the journey that brought them to this path. It seems to be something different for everyone. Although many have endured the difficult battle of infertility and are left with the scars to prove it.

I know I have a few scars, some rest in the deep recesses of my self-esteem, others show up in the way I interact with people who have children and then there are the ones that are almost like little badges of honor. Knowing I have walked a difficult road and come out the other side with my sanity (mostly) intact. It's not a small feat and I sometimes wonder if the ones who had children come into their lives so easily will ever see the gift they have been given in the same way I will given the fight I fought to have it? I believe things hard earned do tend to hold more meaning. I of course in no way want to diminish the love any parent has for their child, I don't think it's a better or worse thing, just a different perspective. Adopting is such an intentional path to becoming a parent, you are faced with thinking things through on a level you would never have to consider if you became a parent through your own pregnancy. For instance some of the things we've had to consider/discuss include, would we be open to raising a child of a race other than our own? What is our comfort level with the birthmother's drug use, medical history and mental health history? Is your child ever really yours (biological or adopted) or are you just the steward of their lives? A mentor of sorts guiding them down the road to adulthood? Are there less expectations when you have an adopted child of them living up to certain family traits or being like mom or dad? Is that a benefit or a detriment? How much do we project onto our children because they are biologically linked to us? How much of me will I see in my adopted child? Does that matter? How much does biology play a role on who someone becomes?

Of course I've only had my own experience so I can't say what it's like to have a biological child, but I don't imagine these are questions I would be asking myself if that were my path.

What questions do you ask yourself about parenting an adopted child?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

What If? Video

I keep coming across this video and think it is great. Hopefully this will help people who haven't struggled to get pregnant have a better understanding of the difficulty in the journey for those who do. It can be all encompassing at times and permeate into so many areas of your life. I'm all for raising awareness about infertility and helping to share stories like Keikos. A little tip, the video is easier to watch if you click on the little icon that looks like four teardrops it will expand the video to a larger screen, making it easier to read.

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


I have learned to take things day by day, knowing no matter how much you plan or look ahead you really never know what awaits. Today I am feeling a variety of things; hopeful, excited and a little sad. Sometimes it surprises me how I can be super excited about the adoption and at the same time still sad about not being able to get preggers. It strikes me how even though I am becoming a mom (and I know I will love every minute of the special experience adopting will be), I still carry grief with me about not being able to have the experience of growing a little baby in my body and sharing the journey of pregnancy and birth with my hubby. It's an ongoing process, one that includes letting go and surrendering to what is. I tell myself pregnancy and birth are like the wedding and mothering is like the marriage, but even with this perspective I still feel sad I won't get to have the wedding, it is fun afterall to eat cake and dance :) Life sure isn't as cut and dry as I thought it was when I was younger. More often than not it is bittersweet. I will get to be a mom, that is certain, just not in the way I originally envisioned. My guess is, that's why i have such a sweet sweeten up the bitter bits as much as I can :)

How about you? How has adopting affected your feelings about infertility?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

String Quilt

I've been wanting to make one of these for awhile and just recently I started collecting fabric I liked with the intention of making something baby related. I'm really excited about how it's coming together. I don't really know how big it will be in the end...good thing it's for a little one

I found the tutorial on how to do it here

Don't you love how it's coming together? I think it'll be lovely.

I'll keep posting as the process continues. All those strips on the right are more squares to come!

And so it begins

It's my first time posting today. This blog has been on my mind for quite some time and today I am finally beginning it. I find so much comfort and support in reading other people's (mostly women's) blogs and my hope is that this blog will help someone else out there.

My husband and I started trying to conceive over 4 years ago and our path has finally brought us to domestic open adoption. We are super excited to be heading toward becoming parents and this blog is my chronicle of that journey. We are working with an adoption agency and got into circulation in December...we are what some people call paper pregnant :) We haven't had any contacts yet so at this point we are just waiting. Different from trying to get pregnant, one of the things I am really enjoying about adoption is we KNOW we WILL be parents, it's just a matter of time. I won't go into all the details of what brought us to adoption or getting into circulation in this post, but promise to share more as time goes on. I know when we were first starting out I was hungry for any information I could come by that would help me understand the road ahead.

I also started this blog so I could craft my way to motherhood. I love making things and while we were trying to conceive I always felt a strong desire to protect myself from the disappointment that came along with hoping. One of the ways I did that was by not allowing myself to do any nesting related to a baby coming. Since deciding to adopt I am embracing my desire to make things for our baby, knowing that he or she IS on their way to us. So this blog will also be a place for me to share my crafty projects. I love crafting, I always have. I majored in art in college and have had creative jobs since graduating, but through it all I am always working on some project, usually something crafty just for fun. So this blog is a place to share some of my creative projects along the way. Right now I am working on a baby blanket/quilt that I am really excited about and other fun things to come include tie died layettes and stuffed animals! Feel free to leave comments or just follow along. I look forward to the community this blog may open up for me and to connecting with anyone out there who may be reading.