Spiritual Craft

We just got back from an amazing vacation to Hawaii and while we were there I discovered another kind of craft that I really connected with. There are several sacred spaces near the river where we were and these spaces were once used by ancient Hawaiians as ritual grounds. It could have been for birth or ceremony, even for sacrifice. These special places were fascinating to me. I felt such a strong connection with my spirit when I was visiting them and touched and curious about the people to whom these spaces were so sacred.

At one of these sacred places I took this photo. I think it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen and filled me with a feeling of delight. It's some kind of offering to the spirits who rest there or are connected to that place. I love how it looks like a little present, but completely made from nature. It made me realize my true spiritual connection to myself and the world lies in creativity and nature. I'm still sorting out how this will play a role in my life going forward, but I just love this little sacred package.

Where do you feel most connected with your spirit? Are there things you will teach your children about how to connect with theirs?

Contact!

We were contacted this weekend by a birth grandmother! It's been a very exciting couple days...the baby was born three weeks ago and the mother is not able to care for her so they are exploring adoption. There are four grandparents in the picture who are all helping to care for the baby. We were going to meet the grandparents tonight, but I spoke with the grandmother last night and the birth mom is wavering on her decision to place the baby for adoption. We're going to check in with them again in a few weeks after the birth mom has had more of a chance to process through her decision of either parenting or adoption so who knows what might happen!

It's been a wild couple days to say the least! Not only did it come out of the blue (which I guess is just the way it goes with adoption...) but the baby is already here which is also completely different than what we had been thinking about. I never spoke with the birth mother but the grandmother was great and it was a good experience.

Who knows what might come of this, but I can tell you this:
It's been fun and exciting! It feels good that someone chose us out of all the people who are listed through our agency, it was also a great reminder that we ARE indeed ready and excited to be parents. And most importantly it showed me how important it is to just be yourself. You make true connections with people when you come from the heart.

Stay tuned for an update in a couple weeks!

On the look out

I just love this picture of my dog Marley she looks so sweet the way her head is tilted just a little showing her curiosity. I feel like even though you can't see her face it somehow captures her essence. I love this girl, we were meant to be together in this life for sure.  sweet doggie

Us girls gotta stick together

I think this is a great post about women. I don't necessarily agree with everything she says, I am certainly not as religious as she is, but this post just speaks to me. Us girls we gotta stick together.

More of my story

My hubby and I have tried in total for over four years to get pregnant. Man, that's a long time. We've tried all sorts of things including 7 IUIs and 3 months of clomid. I know compared to many this is not much but for us it was enough. We knew we wouldn't be able to handle the potential disappointment that could come with IVF, not to mention the potential cost. When I went to the meeting about the infertility treatments offered by our health providers, they basically told us it was only a 20% chance of success for someone my age (35 at the time). That just didn't seem like very good odds to us, considering it would cost somewhere in the ball park of $10,000.

I'm not saying adoption is cheap, it certainly isn't (I'll leave that for another post), but at least with adoption your odds are much better...80% better to be precise. We know we will become parents through adoption, where the path of infertility treatments couldn't give us that kind of assurance.

We spent a lot of time talking about which road we wanted to take and every time we talked about IVF we both had the same feeling, it was like we were rabbits and someone was dangling a carrot out in front of us, we wanted to just hop on up and grab the carrot, but instinctively knew the minute we did, the carrot would be yanked away. When we talked about adoption we felt a variety of things; fear, excitement, and possibility. I like to describe it this way, infertility treatments felt like we would be trying to shove a round peg into a square hole and adoption felt like we were opening ourselves up to something bigger, giving more of ourselves and expanding. Plus 100% is a much better number.

Hedgehog!!!!

Isn't this the cutest thing you've ever seen? I made it! And you can too!!! Check out this book I added her little bow, but otherwise pretty much followed the pattern.

This is a great book filled with the cutest stuffed animals. I've always had a love of stuffed animals. I don't know if it was because I spent most of my childhood alone (my older brother died when I was very young) or if I just have a soft spot (no pun intended) for them. All I know is they make me smile. My dad used to hold my little bear named Pudgie and tell me stories at bedtime. Wiggling Pudge's head back and forth like it was actually him who was talking. These are some of my very best memories from when I was little. I also had an aunt who would make me handmade toys for holidays. I still remember the life sized doll she made me that looked just like me, or the little stuffed house with a tiny family of stuffed bears inside. My aunt's creativity infused itself into me through those amazing gifts she made me and now that I am older I understand what true treasures they were and how much love went into to creating them. My stuffed animals were like my little companions, my best friends I could tell anything to, the ones who listened and were there for me when I was lonely. I still have them (although no longer displayed out on my bed), I know I was freaking you out for a minute there. But they are still very special to me. So once we decided to have a baby I knew stuffed animals would be one of the things I would want to craft for our little one. This little hedgehog is my first go at a stuffed toy and it was really easy! I gave her to my 1 year old niece who loves her. I'm looking forward to making some of the other little buddies in this book. Who knows, by the time baby arrives maybe we'll have an entire zoo!

Felt inspiration

Another one of the fun things I learned to do while at that art retreat was needle felting. It was so much easier than I imagined it would be and I still love making cute little characters from time to time. Here's a little gnome with some mushrooms, which may actually end up being the inspiration for our baby's room!

If you want to check out some cool books on needle felting look here , here or here

Sweet Doggies

As you will come to know if you continue to visit me here, I am in love with my dogs. They are my sweet girls who bring so much joy and love into my life. I never had dogs until just a few years ago and boy did I not know what I was missing! How in the world did I live so long without this wonderful magic?

I went to an art retreat last summer and while I was there, I made these cool sewn pieces of tribute to "my girls" aren't they the cutest?

If you want to learn more about the art retreat I went to, it's sadly no longer happening...artfibertfest, but the people who put them on have several other cool retreats (I haven't been to any others, but the artfiberfest was fun!) You can learn more about their retreats here

Or f you'd like to learn about the woman who taught this specific class, check out her blog here

Some history

So, there is always a back story of what lead some one to where they are now and I thought I'd share a bit of mine.

In 2004 I went through a horrible divorce. I had married my highschool sweet heart, and thought I had it made. Come to find out, even though we grew up together, we had somehow ended up with completely different values. Different values = impass. I had always been the person who swore she would never get divorced, being a child of divorce I know how hard it can be, it's crazy how people who have been together for years, loved each other and shared more with each other than they have with any other human being can within a matter of days begin to dislike each other so strongly, do things that are so inconsiderate, be so downright mean to each other. But here I was at the mother of all impasses knowing there was no way I could stay in that relationship and still feel good about myself. I decided with everything I had sacrificed to make it that far, I wasn't willing to sacrifice that. And so I entered the world of "divorced". It was hard for me, I was part of a club I didn't want to be a part of. I was redefining myself and learning who I truly was all the while struggling with this new label I found myself marked with. I'll admit until going through the experience myself I had always been judgemental of people who were divorced. I chalked them up as quitters or just not as committed as I was...little did I know then. Let's just say I'm much less judgemental now. Funny how difficult times can bring humility in a way that other experiences can't.

So, there I was, divorced, dreams shattered and a new life in front of me. I had no idea what was to come...

I won't lie, it was horrendous at times. I remember waking up thinking how can this be my life? I would open my eyes in the morning and then remember what was happening and just want to close my eyes again and pretend like it was all just a bad dream. I had days where I was astounded that I wasn't dead from the horrible pain of my broken heart. But through those days I also gained clarity of self in a way I never had before. It was just me for the first time in my life and even though it was scary as hell and at times I felt like I was floundering, I was also liberated. I was coming back to myself and it felt good.

It was during this time that I became really clear on what I wanted for my life. I knew I wanted to be in a relationship and have a family. Even though my marriage had failed, I believed in making a lifetime commitment and still feel it is such a powerful way to connect with another person. There is true magic in having a "one and only", someone who holds your heart gently and who encourages you to fly. I also knew now that that kind of relationship didn't come easy and every true partnership takes a variety of ingredients, some can be learned and cultivated and some just have to come with the territory. Meaning if you weren't on the same page on that most fundamental of levels, you never would be. Some things can't change. I spent a lot of time journaling and crying and talking to friends...without my friends and family I would have never survived that time in my life. I am blessed to be so loved and slowly I started to bloom.

Enter, my husband. I remember being so afraid but also knowing there was something undeniable happening between us and even though my heart was still healing I made a conscious decision to not block out the good things (this new relationship) because bad things (my divorce) had happened. It was a turning point for me. 

In 2005 we were married, almost one year to the day we first met. I know some people thought we were crazy, but we both just knew. It's almost five years later and even through the difficult times (and trust me we've had some tough ones) we are still happy, still in love and even still like each other :) I've realized how important that common ground of values is and how easy a relationship actually can be when you start from the same fundamental place.

What I've also discovered is that life is just life. You don't get rewarded for being "good" or punished for being "bad" all you can do is be true to yourself and reach out when you need to and your journey will unfold before you allowing you to take the path that feels right.