making connections and questions

I found out the other day someone I work with is also adopting. It has been fun to connect and share the process with someone in my everyday life. There are so many wonderful people wanting to become parents. I am inspired by people's stories and the journey that brought them to this path. It seems to be something different for everyone. Although many have endured the difficult battle of infertility and are left with the scars to prove it.

I know I have a few scars, some rest in the deep recesses of my self-esteem, others show up in the way I interact with people who have children and then there are the ones that are almost like little badges of honor. Knowing I have walked a difficult road and come out the other side with my sanity (mostly) intact. It's not a small feat and I sometimes wonder if the ones who had children come into their lives so easily will ever see the gift they have been given in the same way I will given the fight I fought to have it? I believe things hard earned do tend to hold more meaning. I of course in no way want to diminish the love any parent has for their child, I don't think it's a better or worse thing, just a different perspective. Adopting is such an intentional path to becoming a parent, you are faced with thinking things through on a level you would never have to consider if you became a parent through your own pregnancy. For instance some of the things we've had to consider/discuss include, would we be open to raising a child of a race other than our own? What is our comfort level with the birthmother's drug use, medical history and mental health history? Is your child ever really yours (biological or adopted) or are you just the steward of their lives? A mentor of sorts guiding them down the road to adulthood? Are there less expectations when you have an adopted child of them living up to certain family traits or being like mom or dad? Is that a benefit or a detriment? How much do we project onto our children because they are biologically linked to us? How much of me will I see in my adopted child? Does that matter? How much does biology play a role on who someone becomes?

Of course I've only had my own experience so I can't say what it's like to have a biological child, but I don't imagine these are questions I would be asking myself if that were my path.

What questions do you ask yourself about parenting an adopted child?