Thursday, May 20, 2010
I have learned to take things day by day, knowing no matter how much you plan or look ahead you really never know what awaits. Today I am feeling a variety of things; hopeful, excited and a little sad. Sometimes it surprises me how I can be super excited about the adoption and at the same time still sad about not being able to get preggers. It strikes me how even though I am becoming a mom (and I know I will love every minute of the special experience adopting will be), I still carry grief with me about not being able to have the experience of growing a little baby in my body and sharing the journey of pregnancy and birth with my hubby. It's an ongoing process, one that includes letting go and surrendering to what is. I tell myself pregnancy and birth are like the wedding and mothering is like the marriage, but even with this perspective I still feel sad I won't get to have the wedding, it is fun afterall to eat cake and dance :) Life sure isn't as cut and dry as I thought it was when I was younger. More often than not it is bittersweet. I will get to be a mom, that is certain, just not in the way I originally envisioned. My guess is, that's why i have such a sweet tooth...to sweeten up the bitter bits as much as I can :)
How about you? How has adopting affected your feelings about infertility?