Trusting

I feel very lucky about our current situation. The birth parents are great and we get along really well with them. I'm happy to say I have no reservations about including them into our extended family, which I wasn't sure would be the case considering all the potential variables/possibilities with adoption.

This experience is causing me to really let go on levels I wouldn't have expected and trust in ways I could have never anticipated. In my heart I feel like this is it. My husband and I have often referred to our baby as "the spirit baby", thinking there is a little spirit out there trying to make it's way to us. When we entered into adoption, that same idea held true. We heard so many stories of people who had starts and stops, one set of friends had a reclaim, which means they had the baby with them for three days and the birth mother changed her mind. Talk about heart breaking. But through all the stories everyone has had the same sentiment in the end...the baby that was meant to be theirs was the one they ended up with. I think in this process you just have to believe that.

That said, through all the trusting and faith there is still this in between time. The time when you are matched, but the baby hasn't been born. It's a special time of soaking in the idea of actually becoming a parent, but it is also a trepidacious time. I am confronted again and again by how little control I actually have in this life and this experience is no exception. Do I feel in my heart this is our baby? yes. Do I think this is going to happen? yes. Do I worry it won't work out? yes.

This experience is teaching me to trust in a whole new way. Trust my instincts, trust that even if my insticts are wrong and it doesn't happen, we will be ok. Trust that we have the space to hold whatever emotions come up throughout this process for ourselves, the birth family and the baby. Trust that our baby is on it's way to us and trust that when it happens, it is going to be just as amazing as I imagine.