Interesting Article about Birthmoms

I came across this article yesterday and really wanted to share it with you. One of the things that has stood out to me so far in our pocess to adopt is just what this article addresses. People seem to look down on birthmothers for their choice to place their baby for adoption. It's always bothered me and always will I'm sure, probably even more once I have a birthmother in my life who I love and have a relationship with.

So I wanted to share this article and add my part by saying I agree, birthmothers deserve our respect. They are making a very altruistic decision in choosing adoption and they should be honored for their strength to do what's right for their child.

Sneak peak

 

I'm almost done with the quilt. I was planning to finish it this weekend, but I had a minor set back...I had some ribbon I was going to use on the edge and I pinned it all the way around and it was 3/4" short! Shoot! So I'm stalled until I can get to the store to get some more ribbon, but for now, here's a small sneak peak at what's in store.

Can you stand it?! Hedgehogs might be the best thing ever! 

Acceptance

What does this mean acceptance? I've been thinking a lot about that the past day or so and am trying to find the answer for myself. I've realized this is what I need in relation to infertility. But how to find it? I'm still hashing that out.

I mean it's not just accepting that I haven't been able to get pregnant or may never get pregnant, but also accepting all the things that come along with that. The sad feelings that come up out of no where or the internal questioning I do about all the things that happen with my body. The over analyzing that became a pattern from trying so hard for so long and the thought process of feeling like there must be something wrong with me. Acceptance. I have a feeling on this one it's going to be hard earned. My accupuncturist said something to me last night that I keep mulling over...all the things that happen in my body, what makes up my body and in turn all the things that may be related to my infertility are just like my eye color or hair color. It's nothing I did, it's just the make up of MY particular body. Who knows why infertility is on the rise are there environmental factors is it some kind of evolution? Who knows.

What I do know is just likes the waves of the ocean, my feelings and life experience will bring with it strong tides and wild waves as well as smooth and calm seas. My goal is finding my center to be able to bouy myself amidst the storms.

Letting go of stereotypes

I came across this post on another blog and found it really interesting. It's about a study on adopted vs. non-adopted kids and whether adopted kids have more "issues".

here

Infertility Sucks

I'm not exactly sure how to express how I'm feeling but let me just start by saying infertility sucks.

I have a friend who is trying to eat gluten free and when people ask her about it she says "it's a journey" I think the same holds true for infertility. I don't know for sure because I've never been pregnant but I imagine even if we have a child biologically I will still always be affected by this experience. Sure I could write about all the positive ways it has changed my life, like when we do finally have a child in our lives I will be more grateful and more aware of the experience than perhaps someone who never had to consider how much they wanted children. But let's just set those happy thoughts aside for the moment and talk about the other side.

My work has this awesome plan where I can go to acupuncture for almost nothing and so I recently decided to start seeing someone. My aim was to help balance my body and feel good. The interesting thing is she is always asking me about my cycle. Of course my cycyle is tied to my health as a woman but this whole process has brought up a lot of emotion for me. I so closely coorelate that part of my life/body with trying to get pregnant that I find myself confronted. Just by going to acupuncture I'm confronted with my infertility yet again.

Lucky for me, the woman I'm seeing is really great and is willing to hold space for me to talk about my feelings, even though she's really only getting paid to poke me with some needles (ouch! - just kidding you don't even feel it much at all). She has worked with other patients who have struggled with infertility so she has a keen sense of the emotions it brings up. Anyway, on the way to my appointment this week I started thinking, she's going to ask me X, Y & Z...and I found myself getting really angry and frustrated. not because she's going to ask me the questions, but because in just asking the questions I begin to feel less than.

It boils down to: I feel like there is something wrong with me. I am afterall a woman, isn't it my birthright to get pregnant? I always thought so. Sadly this thought process has permeated into various other areas of my life. I am less likely to take risks because I see the possibility of failure, I mean I couldn't get pregnant, even though I tried super hard and wanted it more than anything, so why should this (whatever the venture may be) work out? It's like I've lost that faith in myself of thinking I can do anything if I just set my mind to it. Not only have I lost the faith but I also don't try as hard because I start out feeling like it won't work out anyway and if I don't try super hard than at least I won't be as disappointed. So dumb. And honestly I'm pissed about it.

When I got home from my appointment my hubby and I spent some time talking. I was considering quitting acupuncture just because I don't really want to be confronted with my infertility anymore. I mean I get it, can't have babies, moving on to adoption...but the reality is I need to deal with it and I think the reason this woman came into my life (the acupuncturist) is to help me do just that.

Can I change the past? No. But can I find a way to heal myself and reclaim a sense of faith in myself? I hope so.  Like I said, "it's a journey".

Fabric Galore

As the title of my blog suggests, I'm crafty. I kind of always have something in the works. Well, more accurately I always have multiple projects on the works. As you know I'm working on a quilt, and I finally sewed all the little squares together this weekend into strips. It is going to be SO cute and I'm thinking the perfect size to be a stroller blanket (about 29" x 36"). I actually sewed the strips together into the full rectangle this weekend too, but I'm saving that for the final reveal when the blanket is complete :) 

In other news, I stopped by the fabric store on my way home today to get more of the fabric hubby and I chose for the backside of the quilt...let me just say it's SUPER cute and goes along with our theme for the baby's room (see below) and while at the fabric store I found this awesome mushroom fabric.

I am in love. Ever since we chose the theme for the baby's room I've been on the hunt for fabric. What's the theme you ask?...enchanted forest! 

Not the fairy godmother kind, but the mushrooms and gnomes kind. Cute right?! I'm SO excited about it. I think it has lots of possibilities and will be good for a boy or girl. So I've been slowly collecting cool, appropriately themed fabrics when I see them. It's not as easy as you might think and when I stumbled across these mushrooms, well let's just say I got a little starry eyed. I immediately bought all they had. It's still TBD what I'll be making with it, but it's going to be cute, cute, cute. And go perfectly with this other fabric I found.

Aren't they adorable? I recently got a small swatch of this out of print fabric by Heather Ross...I'm seeing some gnome and mushroom goodness coming on. Ooh! Can't wait for inspiration to strike! Maybe a full size quilt for the baby's bed? We'll just have to wait and see. For now I'll just bask in my giddyness of the fabric find of the century! Yay!

What kinds of things inspire you to be crafty?

Good Practice

I work for a local animal shelter and it is kitten season! So I am fostering my second pair of neo natal kittens. They are three weeks old and need to be bottle fed every four hours. They even have to be burped! I figure it's good practice for when a baby enters our life.

We named them Frank and Murphy which just cracks me up. I think it's funny for such itty bitty kittens to have old man names.

Our dogs love them too and try to lick them all over, it's pretty funny.