For all you soon to be moms out there...

So for all you ladies out there who are waiting to become moms, here's a quick list of things I recommend having ready for when your baby arrives. These are things no one really told me about and I think as adoptive moms we have a slightly different perspective on preparation...

jumpers - the ones that snap or zip so you don't have to put clothes over the baby's head. The kimono style ones are great, but the straight up sleepers with feet are good too (depending on the time of year your baby comes). I love the snaps because our little guy doesn't like being cold and with the snapped jumpers I can just pull the bottom of his body out and change the diaper leaving the upper part of the jumper on, so he doesn't get as cold. I heard gowns are good too, but we tried those and didn't like having to put it over his head, plus the elastic at the bottom can be a little cumbersome to me.

Formula & Bottles - If you think you will be at the hospital when the baby is born, pick out a formula ahead of time (if you want to use anything different than what is at the hospital, if you are cool with whatever they have, then don't worry about it). You can bring it with you and they will start the baby on it from the beginning. Also choose bottles and bring those with you too. We just went with what the hospital had, which was fine, but when we got home the bottles we had were completely different than the nipple the baby had gotten used to in the hospital so I made a midnight run to the drug store to buy every kind of bottle they had with a similar nipple. We ended up using Dr. Brown's bottles and we like them, he doesn't have a lot of gas and they say their bottles are good for that...

Bottle cleaning supplies - bottle drying rack and brushes for cleaning bottles

swaddles - the blanket swaddle is great but sometimes baby will bust his or her little hands out and wake himself up. If you have a fussy baby having one of those swaddles that velcros shut can work like a charm. Our little guy is pretty chill, but we did have one night where he just wouldn't settle. I remembered the velcro swaddle and tried it out - it worked great and we all got some rest.

burp cloths - I recommend old school diapers. They are absorbent and soft and a good size. Get the pre-fold kind, the non pre-folds are giant.

ribbed hats - the one they give you in the hospital is great, the ones you buy at stores are usually made out of jersey fabric or something and are not very stretchy - they don't stay on - at least if you have a smaller baby they don't - our baby weighed in just under 7 lbs and any hats other than the hospital ones just float right off his head, especially if he's laying down. I am currently knitting one so we have something in addition to the two hospital ones we have. Ribbed people I'm telling you, ribbed is the secret to a hat staying on.

Lots of receiving blankets - you can use them for all kinds of things and they get dirty fast, we probably use at least three a day, they either get peed on, spit up on or just get dirty somehow.

I also love the aiden and anais blankets, they are made out of gauze and are nice and big. Our baby is small so they aren't the best for swaddling yet - he ends up drowning in them - but they are great for an additional blanket on his feet when in the stroller or as a cover up over his car seat so he doesn't get blasted by the sun. They breathe so he doesn't get too hot which is nice.

***edited***Desitin - you want to have the heavy duty diaper cream on hand if diaper rash strikes.
**I have recently also tried A&D Ointment and I like it better than the Desitin, it smells better and doesn't leave the white residue on the buns :) **

Diapers - I have to start by saying I did a ton of research on diapers before our little man was born and decided to use gDiapers. As of today we have only used 1 gDiaper. I'm not ready to give up on them, but I recommend just sticking with what's easy at first and gDiapers are kind of bulky. They rubbed him and made his little legs and tummy red. For now we are using the all natural huggies for newborns with the cut out for the umbilcal cord and when he gets a little bigger we will try the gDiapers again. I have faith they may still be a great option, but like I said when you first get home, you need easy and known and sticking with what they used at the hospital (or something similar) just made sense for us.

Bassinet - we have one that rolls around and it's great. We have it next to the bed at night and move it out into the living area during the day. I like having our little guy close so I'm not ready to put him in his crib. Having a bassinet has made keeping him close really easy and comfortable for all of us.

Car Seat - this is obvious, but we got the call to go to the hospital a little earlier than expected and were out in our car at midnight reading manuals and figuring out how to install it properly...even if you don't leave it in, I recommend doing a trial run so you feel prepared when the moment arrives.

Head stabilizer for the car seat - you know those little rolly things that your baby's head rests in so it doesn't bob around in the car seat, it kind of looks like a travel pillow but it wraps around the top of their head instead of their neck. They are a must especially if you have a smaller baby.

Pack a bag ahead of time, don't forget chap stick, lotion, water, snacks and anything else you like to have handy once you are there with your baby you won't want to leave for anything. We were able to room in and if that's the case for you, I recommend lots of comfy clothes, you pretty much just sit around all day holding the baby, you want to be comfortable.

Ok, that's all I can think of for now. If anyone has questions, fire away! I'm hoping it happens for all you waiting ladies soon. It really is just as amazing as you think it will be - and remember it's just a matter of time.

Never been better

Our baby was born on Saturday. He is amazing. We were so fortunate to be at the hospital, in the room when he was born into this world and then were able to stay at the hospital and start caring for him immediately. The past few days have been unbelievable. I am so in love my heart might burst. I've never experienced anything like this. Today I was standing in the kitchen with hubby and just got teary eyed. I am finally a mom. This has been such a long time coming.  Our little man is pure magic.

Trusting

I feel very lucky about our current situation. The birth parents are great and we get along really well with them. I'm happy to say I have no reservations about including them into our extended family, which I wasn't sure would be the case considering all the potential variables/possibilities with adoption.

This experience is causing me to really let go on levels I wouldn't have expected and trust in ways I could have never anticipated. In my heart I feel like this is it. My husband and I have often referred to our baby as "the spirit baby", thinking there is a little spirit out there trying to make it's way to us. When we entered into adoption, that same idea held true. We heard so many stories of people who had starts and stops, one set of friends had a reclaim, which means they had the baby with them for three days and the birth mother changed her mind. Talk about heart breaking. But through all the stories everyone has had the same sentiment in the end...the baby that was meant to be theirs was the one they ended up with. I think in this process you just have to believe that.

That said, through all the trusting and faith there is still this in between time. The time when you are matched, but the baby hasn't been born. It's a special time of soaking in the idea of actually becoming a parent, but it is also a trepidacious time. I am confronted again and again by how little control I actually have in this life and this experience is no exception. Do I feel in my heart this is our baby? yes. Do I think this is going to happen? yes. Do I worry it won't work out? yes.

This experience is teaching me to trust in a whole new way. Trust my instincts, trust that even if my insticts are wrong and it doesn't happen, we will be ok. Trust that we have the space to hold whatever emotions come up throughout this process for ourselves, the birth family and the baby. Trust that our baby is on it's way to us and trust that when it happens, it is going to be just as amazing as I imagine.

Lasts

We seem to give so much attention to firsts...first kiss, first love, first baby. It's all very exciting and fun, but I'd like to take a minute to address some lasts.

My birthday is in a few weeks and this will be the last time I wonder "This time next year will I be a mom?"
This year will hold the last mother's day and father's day without a child in our life.
These next few weeks will be the last weeks of uniterrupted sleeping in, whimsical trips to the store and last minute date nights.
This Thanksgiving will be the last time we give thanks for all our blessings but still wish for a baby.
This is the last "fall back" time change where I am not a mom.
This is my last job where I will wonder "Will I become a mom while I work here?"
I'm coming up on the last time I will get my period and wonder if I will ever become a mom. (granted the period will still come, but the question of mommyhood, not anymore!)
And on a smaller scale as we get closer to the baby's due date, I will have many small lasts like, the last time I eat ice cream without a baby, the last time I take the dogs for a walk without a baby on tow, the last time I will watch the stars at night or sit on our front porch, without a baby in my arms.

Let's celebrate the lasts, because this time around the lasts are something to celebrate!

Quandry

I'm having this internal debate regarding privacy and sharing and openess on this inter web we are all a part of. First I'll start by saying I love reading blogs, other people's blogs help me to feel less alone when I read a story of someone that connects to my own experience I think there is something truly amazing about that. The internet is such a magical tool for all of us to create a more global and expansive community. That's why I started a blog of my own.

Lately I've been feeling at a loss. I am so excited about what is happening for us with our match and the adoption, but am having a hard time figuring out what to share on this very open public forum. I go back and forth between thinking...it's no big deal I mean who is going to know who we are anyway and even it they did why would that matter? to feeling like I have an obligation to protect the virtual identity of our future child. It leaves me in a quandry.

The whole adoption experience is a unique one for sure. Not only are we becoming parents and navigating everything that comes with that but we are welcoming a whole set of people into our extended family. We need to consider the baby, but also the birth parents and their experience. It's complicated.

I'm curious how the rest of you have navigated this in your adoption? Did you ask your birth parents about it or just figure out what you thought was the right thing to do?

Thank you :)

I just wanted to take a quick minute to say thank you to all the wonderful people who read my blog. I truly appreciate the encouraging and supportive comments and feel really lucky to be part of this community we have all created.

((hugs))

Jumping into the great wide open

Right after our match became official I spent several days in what I would call good news shock. I was trying to comprehend the amazing good news that I was experiencing along with making peace with the inherant fears related to that very experience. If I'm honest I'm still processing it. Just last night it kind of hit me, wow, my life is about to seriously change. I've been conceptualizing the idea of becoming a parent for so long. Every job I've had over the past several years I start thinking, I wonder if this is where I will work when we have a baby? Or when we go camping I think, I wonder how it will be to bring our baby camping? Or how will it be to see my hubby as a daddy or my dad as a grandpa? It's been something I've thought about for years in all kinds of different situations. It's kind of strange to start thinking about what it is actually going to be like. I know my life is about the take a dramatic turn. There is about to be a little person in my life unlike any other person who has come before, I know I am about to be changed in ways I can't even imagine and I can't wait! Adoption is such a special and unique experience because as an adoptive parent it is sort of like the first trimester and the last two months of pregancy all rolled into one.

I have felt that fierce urge to protect the information of our experience, similar to how I imagine the first trimester of pregnancy would be where you are super excited but also know a miscarriage is possible. I have also felt the extreme excitement of being just afew months from our due date and in the thick of baby preparation. Throw into the mix the experience of getting to know the birth mother and it's a wild ride to say the least.

After lots of emotional stops and starts while making my way out of the baby shock haze, I decided to just jump in. Do I understand this might not work out? Yes, but I am chosing to trust the process, the birthmom and the little spirit baby who has found us. We will be devastated whether we allow ourselves the excitement or not so why not enjoy this time? We are having a baby people! WooHoo! Let's party!!!

Our match meeting is coming up in the next couple weeks, which is where we will meet with our adoption counselor and the birth parents to talk through all the details of our ongoing contact as well as what will happen at the hospital. I was feeling a little nervous about it, but am feeling more confident. I know it will be intense, and I also know we have the space in our hearts to hold whatever needs holding throughout the conversation. During my life and all the crazy ups and downs I feel like things often come full circle and what I know for sure and am reminded of again and again is that Love is the most important thing.

Love for ourselves, love for each other and the general spirit of love, there can't be too much of it. And when you focus on love, good things happen and you can make it through anything.