Lasts

We seem to give so much attention to firsts...first kiss, first love, first baby. It's all very exciting and fun, but I'd like to take a minute to address some lasts.

My birthday is in a few weeks and this will be the last time I wonder "This time next year will I be a mom?"
This year will hold the last mother's day and father's day without a child in our life.
These next few weeks will be the last weeks of uniterrupted sleeping in, whimsical trips to the store and last minute date nights.
This Thanksgiving will be the last time we give thanks for all our blessings but still wish for a baby.
This is the last "fall back" time change where I am not a mom.
This is my last job where I will wonder "Will I become a mom while I work here?"
I'm coming up on the last time I will get my period and wonder if I will ever become a mom. (granted the period will still come, but the question of mommyhood, not anymore!)
And on a smaller scale as we get closer to the baby's due date, I will have many small lasts like, the last time I eat ice cream without a baby, the last time I take the dogs for a walk without a baby on tow, the last time I will watch the stars at night or sit on our front porch, without a baby in my arms.

Let's celebrate the lasts, because this time around the lasts are something to celebrate!

Quandry

I'm having this internal debate regarding privacy and sharing and openess on this inter web we are all a part of. First I'll start by saying I love reading blogs, other people's blogs help me to feel less alone when I read a story of someone that connects to my own experience I think there is something truly amazing about that. The internet is such a magical tool for all of us to create a more global and expansive community. That's why I started a blog of my own.

Lately I've been feeling at a loss. I am so excited about what is happening for us with our match and the adoption, but am having a hard time figuring out what to share on this very open public forum. I go back and forth between thinking...it's no big deal I mean who is going to know who we are anyway and even it they did why would that matter? to feeling like I have an obligation to protect the virtual identity of our future child. It leaves me in a quandry.

The whole adoption experience is a unique one for sure. Not only are we becoming parents and navigating everything that comes with that but we are welcoming a whole set of people into our extended family. We need to consider the baby, but also the birth parents and their experience. It's complicated.

I'm curious how the rest of you have navigated this in your adoption? Did you ask your birth parents about it or just figure out what you thought was the right thing to do?

Thank you :)

I just wanted to take a quick minute to say thank you to all the wonderful people who read my blog. I truly appreciate the encouraging and supportive comments and feel really lucky to be part of this community we have all created.

((hugs))

Jumping into the great wide open

Right after our match became official I spent several days in what I would call good news shock. I was trying to comprehend the amazing good news that I was experiencing along with making peace with the inherant fears related to that very experience. If I'm honest I'm still processing it. Just last night it kind of hit me, wow, my life is about to seriously change. I've been conceptualizing the idea of becoming a parent for so long. Every job I've had over the past several years I start thinking, I wonder if this is where I will work when we have a baby? Or when we go camping I think, I wonder how it will be to bring our baby camping? Or how will it be to see my hubby as a daddy or my dad as a grandpa? It's been something I've thought about for years in all kinds of different situations. It's kind of strange to start thinking about what it is actually going to be like. I know my life is about the take a dramatic turn. There is about to be a little person in my life unlike any other person who has come before, I know I am about to be changed in ways I can't even imagine and I can't wait! Adoption is such a special and unique experience because as an adoptive parent it is sort of like the first trimester and the last two months of pregancy all rolled into one.

I have felt that fierce urge to protect the information of our experience, similar to how I imagine the first trimester of pregnancy would be where you are super excited but also know a miscarriage is possible. I have also felt the extreme excitement of being just afew months from our due date and in the thick of baby preparation. Throw into the mix the experience of getting to know the birth mother and it's a wild ride to say the least.

After lots of emotional stops and starts while making my way out of the baby shock haze, I decided to just jump in. Do I understand this might not work out? Yes, but I am chosing to trust the process, the birthmom and the little spirit baby who has found us. We will be devastated whether we allow ourselves the excitement or not so why not enjoy this time? We are having a baby people! WooHoo! Let's party!!!

Our match meeting is coming up in the next couple weeks, which is where we will meet with our adoption counselor and the birth parents to talk through all the details of our ongoing contact as well as what will happen at the hospital. I was feeling a little nervous about it, but am feeling more confident. I know it will be intense, and I also know we have the space in our hearts to hold whatever needs holding throughout the conversation. During my life and all the crazy ups and downs I feel like things often come full circle and what I know for sure and am reminded of again and again is that Love is the most important thing.

Love for ourselves, love for each other and the general spirit of love, there can't be too much of it. And when you focus on love, good things happen and you can make it through anything.

Eenie, Meenie, Mynie...MATCH!

We got the call and the birth mother wants to match with us! We are beyond excited. It's pretty surreal actually. I looked at our profile on our adoption agency's website yesterday and you can no longer click through to our profile...it just says MATCHED! It's pretty exciting.

The next step is what they call a match meeting, where we will talk about all the details of the adoption agreement, including ongoing contact as well as the specifics of what will happen at the hospital when the baby is born. I'm told it will take 2 - 4 hours, whew! I have a feeling it's going to be a doozy.

Luckily we have already been quite open with our birthmother and she with us, so I don't anticipate much coming up that is unexpected. Although I'm sure it will be an emotional meeting.

The date for the match meeting is still TBD but we are hoping it will happen in the next couple weeks. For now we are just soaking it all in and getting excited about the new little person who is making their way into our lives.